The Bizarre World of the Sleeping

It's funny the things we do in our sleep. From time to time, Neil will walk into our room, in his sleep. I have been known to laugh to the point of hysteria in my sleep. Gary and I have woken ourselves up mid-conversation in our sleep. Punches have even been thrown in our sleep. Last night, Neil took a left turn out of his bedroom instead of a right. Making our room, not the bathroom, the destination point. Weren't we surprised awake by the sound of his mid-sleep whizzing. Gary was startled into full wakefulness, and turning on the light, witnessed the wee little event. This in turn brought on a bout of near-hysterical laughing from me. While I remember laughing myself into full wakefulness, I hope Neil does not remember his little mid-sleep piss-up....uh, I mean slip-up.

OH, and a big thank-you Gary, for being the one awake enough to clean it up. I knew I loved you for the right reasons.

Geography Lesson Needed.....

For the month of December, leading up to Christmas, Macey's grocery store had an extremely nice man wandering around the store in a Santa Claus suit. I thought he was creepy. Not in a Billy Bob Thornton "Bad Santa" kind of way, but in an "I don't want my child sitting on his lap kind of way". Anyway, I was curious to see what Neil would think of him. He's usually pretty grounded in the fact that store Santas are just guys in Santa suits helping the Big Guy out. Not so with this one! Neil was certain that he was "one of the real Santas". Yup. Apparently there's more than one. In Neil's opinion, there are four or, "One for every continent", so he says.

Moving Forward

Last night for dinner we had spaghetti and broccoli. I thought this was no problem, Neil has always loved both, and though Gary can't eat the pasta or the sauce, he does his own thing with the meat. Anyway, all was going well. Until Gary told Neil he had to eat his broccoli. That sparked a series of gagging and pained looking facial expressions from Neil. Gary reminded him that he's always liked broccoli, to which Neil replied "I'm evolving here!" Later he explained that his taste buds are evolving backward, and he no longer likes the broccoli "blossoms", and he did point out that he ate the "stumps". Good to know.

Maybe My Favorite Christmas Story.

There's a story from WWI about British troops and German troops calling an "informal armistice" on Christmas Eve of 1914. German troops began by decorating around their trenches and singing Christmas carols. Most notably "Silent Night" or "Stille Nacht". British troops responded by singing English carols. Greetings and gifts were exchanged. They gave proper burial to their dead and both sides mourned together. They played soccer. In many sectors, this truce lasted until Christmas Day and in some areas it lasted until New Year's Day. There would be other informal treaties during that war, but none of the same size.

A Carol from Flanders
by Frederick Niven

In Flanders on the Christmas morn
The trenched foemen lay,
the German and the Briton born,
And it was Christmas Day.

The red sun rose on fields accurst,
The gray fog fled away;
But neither cared to fire the first,
For it was Christmas Day!

They called from each to each across
The hideous disarray,
For terrible has been their loss:
"Oh, this is Christmas Day!"

Their rifles all they set aside,
One impulse to obey;
'Twas just the men on either side,
Just men — and Christmas Day.

They dug the graves for all their dead
And over them did pray:
And Englishmen and Germans said:
"How strange a Christmas Day!"

Between the trenches then they met,
Shook hands, and e'en did play
At games on which their hearts were set
On happy Christmas Day.

Not all the emperors and kings,
Financiers and they
Who rule us could prevent these things —
For it was Christmas Day.

Oh ye who read this truthful rime
From Flanders, kneel and say:
God speed the time when every day
Shall be as Christmas Day.

WOW...Has it Really Been 7 Years?!!!

So, lunch with my mom went well. Expensive, but well. I managed to calm down and live in the moment. Kids are great reminders that we should do that. And, the weather stayed my version of drive-able.




Yesterday was Neil's seventh birthday, and I have a question. Does anybody have any hard and fast rules about when is the right time to open presents? Gary took the day off, I was already off, and Neil was out of school...since it was Sunday, and all. Anyway, he woke up early...and very excited. He did great getting through breakfast, his strange request was oatmeal. Then, he started asking if he could open his presents. Gary's so programmed that it should be after dinner, that he didn't quite know what to say. He's not used to everybody being home in the morning. So, he kept giving his famous "Afta" answer. To which Neil would ask "Afta what??" Which leads to "Afta, afta..." not what the newly turned 7 year old was wanting to hear. We settled for "afta cake", which would be after lunch. So, we passed the time with television and polishing pennies. Neil has a special "log cabin" penny, that as he calls it is, one of his "luckies". And, he wanted to see how shiny it could be. Which gave Gary the idea that it would be fun to have a "lucky penny" from his birthyear. 1973. He thought it would be a quest. He didn't knw that we had 3 of them in a can of change. Sadly enough, I can't find a 1970 penny in any of that. Did they even make pennies in 1970? It's amazing how long a person can spend polishing change, if one lets oneself. Neil got bored after about an hour. And was back at it..."can I just open one?" Time to make lunch. "When can we have cake?", "You just said you were full...let's wait 45 minutes", "Is it 45 minutes yet?", "When this is over". Good call Gary, an hour long program about Russia's Ural mountain (which oddly enough, sucked Neil in just as well as Gary). And yes, it was time to open presents. He'd been guessing as to what they were all morning. And was pleased to find, not bath beads, but BBs. Not a paver stone, but a very large book about prehistoric life. Sadly not night vision goggles, but new shoes. And the box that could only be a stick, or maybe two sticks, was a Red Ryder BB gun. The mystery box, that wouldn't even get a guess, was that Screature that he's been asking for since April.


He told us several times that it was his best birthday EVER!! Good words to hear on a quiet day that didn't see company or a party. After some time checking out the new stuff, he went shooting with Dad, to make proper use of a shoe box and completely demolish a peanut butter jar. Apparently BBs will get trapped in a glass jar, until it's shot enough times that it completely shatters. Some more telling Dad that it was the best birthday ever, and they were home.






I was planning on lunch with my mom being his birthday meal, but after hearing an under his breath "today's not my birthday", I decided I had better come up with something on the actual day of. "What do you want for your birthday dinner?" went from a seafood medley to surprise me. Well, when he put it that way....It was baked salmon, shrimp scampi, and SCD friendly coleslaw. YUM! After dinner he watched what seemed like four back to back episodes of "Battle of the Dinosaurs" on Discovery Channel (how did they know?) with his dad, spent an hour looking at the new book, with Screature sitting next to him, and still wanted me to read about dinosaurs when it was time for bed. Yep, I think he had a great birthday. But wow, he's seven, already? Where does the time go?

Seriously?!

Sometimes nobody pisses me off quite like my mom!! When I say I don't like driving in the snow, I mean it. And she knows it.
My idea of not wanting to drive into Salt Lake when it's snowing, is if I can't see the mountains from my kitchen window. So, last night, I called to say that we're still on for lunch. I mean the snow is supposed to be spotty until this evening, right? Anyway, I get a call this morning asking if we're still going, because....it's windy. I never said anything about driving in the wind....it's the snow! Don't tell me you understand, then call me and be all sarcastic about 'the wind'. Geez!! Now, I just hope I can calm down enough to make lunch worth it. It's supposed to be fun...taking Neil to Joe's Crab Shack for his birthday. Her getting to see her grandson is a bonus.

Food Blog??

Today, Neil told me it would be cool if somebody came to the house and interviewed my cooking, because he thinks it would be good to give me some "stars". I'm thinking he means that it would be cool if somebody reviewed my cooking. He likes to think of me as a chef...go figure! Well, this sparked conversation between him and Gary, about how I don't tell anybody that I cook. I mean, that seems the standard, doesn't it? I'm married and have a family, therefore, I cook...right? I'm guessing he means that I don't brag about what I do in the kitchen. So, let me just tell you. Food is a friend. And, believe me, the way I'm built, it must be a very good friend! But, all joking aside, when you prepare food, it's like you're giving breath to a living thing. The way yeast reacts to sugar and warm water. The way anything reacts to seasoning. You get instant results for the effort you put in, a lovely concept, in my mind. This all led to Gary suggesting a food blog. I honestly have no idea how to get started.

Happy Birthday Grandma

Last night, I was looking at some family history stuff that my dad gave me. And, I found out that today is my grandmother's birthday. So....Happy Birthday Grandma. Wherever you are. I hope you know that I am thinking about you, and that I love you. She would've been 94 today. It's hard to believe she was so young when she left. Yes, in my opinion 66 is young...too young.
Miss you Grandma.

Dog in the Sky on an Autumn Morning

I had a great opportunity this morning at 4:30, to get up early and sit on the patio with Gary. We had binoculars, star chart, and laser pointer at hand. Our goal was to begin familiarizing ourselves with the sky. Constellations and brightest stars. It was fun. It was chilly and the coffee was good. I was moved beyond words by the first awareness of Canis Major and Sirius. The faithful hunting companion of Orion. The trusted dog who will forever and infinity be mid-stride near his master's heel. What a wonderful thought. And if we truly stop to think, isn't that where our beloved pets who are gone but not forgotten, remain in our hearts? When we picture them in our minds, do we see them as they were when they lay old and infirm, or do we see them in some mental snapshot, running for a ball, soaking up the sun, or just sitting by our side?

My Part Time Job

The food is great, but the hours are kind of suckish.

So, Saturday there was no cooking, or even experimenting in the kitchen. Neil had a sleep over at his cousins, and Gary and I got to go on a date. Anyway, we got to see a movie...Inglourious Basterds. And can I just say, it's my new favorite.

So, Sunday saw the Sauteed Chicken with brown deglazing sauce, Braised Onions, and Stuffed tomatoes with mushrooms and Swiss cheese. It all turned out okay, but I crowded the chicken...making it UGLY and burned the onions, making them taste rather onion-ey. And, remembered that I'm not a big fan of sauteed mushrooms. Oh well, Gary seemed quite pleased with it. Neil turned up his nose and ate PBandJ. On wheat, then complained that the bread had nuts in it...he's the one who likes wheat bread...not me.
Last night, I wanted something quick. HAHAHA!!! It was raining and soup sounded good, so I thought a nice beef stew could work. It was 8pm when we finally sat down to it. I started it at 5:30. Yeah...beef stew is not quick. So, 3 hours of cooking, then sitting down to dinner, then another hour for clean-up. I think I've found my part time job. But, at least the soup was a hit. Neil LOVED it! Gary ate two bowls...surprised? And I am learning that just that little bit of extra effort in the kitchen can have huge payoffs in the quality department. But, if anybody asks me what I've been up to, then gives me that "you're really not that busy" look, I think I may have to smack them.

Cookin' Up Some YUM!

I got two cookbooks a couple of days ago. Something to try to make cooking fun again. The Joy of Cooking by Erma Rombauer and Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child. Last night I tried a recipe from the Julia Child book. It was just a recipe for hamburgers, YES! Hamburgers...in a French cookbook. Anyway, I figured they would be easy and not too strange for the little taste buds here and not to dangerous for the ultra-sensitive stomach that I sometimes cook for. HOLY CROW!!! They were the BEST hamburgers I have ever eaten, much less made!! So, if anybody ever wonders....'why would I want a cookbook like that?' Let me tell you, the recipe on page 301 and the butter recipe (yes, that's right, butter recipe) on 101 are well worth the fact that you're making hamburgers from a recipe! Tonight, I'm trying a recipe for chicken in egg yolk and butter sauce with roasted tomatoes. And then going for a VERY LONG walk!!

Sheep dogs, and Splash dogs, and Bagpipes.

This past weekend was the Soldier Hollow Classic. It's becoming a family tradition at our house. Gary, Neil and I went up three years ago, Neil and I went up last year, and we all got to go up this year. Each year, we say that next year we're going to go for the whole thing, all four days of watching border collies herd sheep. Well, the past two years have seen us up there on only one day. This year saw us up there on two days. Maybe next year, if we don't make all four days, we'll at least manage one day of regular competition and Monday's grand championship finals. That would be nice.


Each year also leaves me with a fascination for the sport and a huge desire to learn how to do it. I become next to obsessed with Border Collies for the following 9 months. And daydream about being born into a rural lifestyle of farming and animals. This year one of the competitors (she is also a photographer and painter who sells some of her artwork at the event) was talking to me while I was looking at some of the artwork she was selling. Anyway, when I told her that it looks so incredibly fun and amazing, and that I would love to do it. She asked me what was stopping me. My first response was that I didn't know how to get started. To that I was directed to a page in the event directory that gives phone numbers, e-mail addresses, and web-sites for just that kind of thing. I was also told to email her and she could answer questions that I may have. The next reason I gave was financial, to which I was told "It's cheaper than horses". The next reason I have, that I didn't find the voice for, was that I kind of always thought that was the kind of thing you had to be born into. And if not born into working stock dogs, at least born into farm life. Really, how does a person get started when they are stuck in the suburbs? Know next to nothing about sheep or cattle? And already have to terrific dogs in a community that will not allow a third? But, you can bet that I'm going to be reading and re-reading the web sites on the subject and buying a book or two....or twenty, as books seem to be a weakness of mine.

Neil was a trooper hanging out in Saturdays wind and rain, and then again in Sunday's scorching sun. He got bored, and he let us know...very vocally. Saturday, he and I saw the sights. Wandered around finding 'lost sheep' for a give-away from Bank of the West. Free teddy bears for kids 12 and under. We also colored a picture for their coloring contest and free ice cream for the entrants. We ate some yummy Greek food, Neil got his first taste of lamb, and he loved it. Then when the herding was over, we watched the Splash Dogs. Neil's FAVORITE part of the weekend. He spent Sunday looking forward to when we could watch it again.






Sunday, I was determined to watch more of the herding that I was able to watch on Saturday.














Neil let me know how he felt about this, but he was pretty good about it. He watched the sheep through Gary's binoculars, tried to nap on the seat next to me, looked for grasshoppers, and colored. We watched dogs together as a family for quite a while, then he'd had enough. Time for lunch, a bit more watching, and then some wandering. We saw the "Wild Wonders" an exotic animal rescue that had some animals there. A fox, a tortoise, skunk, hedgehog, birds, and lizards. That tortoise was amazing. I thought they were supposed to be slow. But, she moved out quite quickly with a small flock of children following closely petting her shell, her leg, or whatever they could reach. We looked at booths of wool, Navajo blankets, dog products, pet adoptions, watched the sheep herding demonstration in the demonstration arena...complete with question and answer time. And saw the tail end of the "Ultimate Canines" dog show. That was fun. Neil got to pet a ginormous 1/2 standard poodle 1/2 great Pyrenees. The dog looked almost like one of the sheep being herded on the hill. We listened to bagpipes (one of Neil's very favorite instruments)




Then it was time for something cold to drink and an attempt at watching more herding. Gary and I decided to keep track of the scores as they were announced, and remember the names of handlers and dogs that really stood out in our minds. When all of the competing was over, we went back up to the Splash Dogs go vertical. We watched dogs jump from 6-7 feet in the air for a toy that was clipped to a bar over their heads. More often than not, they caught it.






It was a fun way to get a sun burn. And, we're thinking about taking a family vacation to Ketchum, Idaho in October for the Trailing of the Sheep Festival.

UGH!!!!!!

Neil's first day of 1st Grade is tomorrow. TOMORROW!!! And, I am SO not ready. I feel like I could puke! Whatever happened to the little boy whos first word was "DOTT!", who called a spoon a "Moot", and who had to reach on tippy-toe to snatch the CamelBack's tube off of the counter? He looked so cute on his wee little toes getting a drink from that thing.
Oh well, like it or not, Neil's ready. He's so excited!! He whoops with joy when I give the countdown every morning.
--Is it always so difficult to show them excitement at the momentum in their life? When really, you just want to cry and hold them closer.--

Swim Lessons

I think I had a fish!! Neil absolutely LOVES water. And, daycare schedules a field trip to a swimming pool once a week for the entirety of summer vacation. This is a very frightening thing for me. So frightening, in fact, that it gave me nightmares. Strange nightmares. About poisonous snakes, not sure how that relates to my son in the water, but every time I'm worried about Neil, I have a dream about poisonous snakes. YUK!! So, I woke up with a firm conviction that Neil needed to be in swim lessons, and we, as a family needed to go swimming at least once a week.

As soon as ISSI was over, I scheduled Neil for swim lessons. He spent the entire month of July in the water. I think between June 23 and July 30, he spent a total of 30 days in a swimming pool. 18 of those being lessons. I was prepared for another two weeks worth of lessons in August. But, after seeing the sheer exhaustion on my son's face, I bagged the idea. He can go back to lessons next summer. And, we can just make sure to get him to the pool once a week until then.

He passed his level one, fairly easily. But then came level two. He does great with almost everything. The backstroke is the true test of coordination for him. And, we need to do some extra work for him to move on to level three.




(he's the splash)






He started the summer unsure of jumping into the pool, and the diving board was too scary to be contemplated. However, by the middle of July, that was no longer so daunting. He's even quite pleased with being able to stand on his hands under water.
Not exactly what he was learning during lessons, but something he felt was important enough to


work on when the teacher wasn't
working with him directly.

Intermountain Suzuki Strings Institute 2009

Neil had kind of a summer camp violin thing in June. It's 6 days worth of violin related stuff. Four hours a day of classes, there was a technique class, a repertoire class, a master class, and then his favorite of all a Dalcroze class (music and movement).

He enjoyed his technique class,

the teacher was very nice, though not his favorite of the summer. He verbally admitted to royally disliking his repertoire class.

I thought the teacher was great, full of wonderful ideas, and she treated the kids with respect as well as treating them like adults. His master class teacher was the favorite of his teachers, and she really does rock! He had been working on his very favorite song for this class. It's "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" and it's still his favorite song. But, other than some comments to help improve his posture, a new shoulder rest, and hearing him play it a few times. That's not what he spent the majority of the week working on. He went back in the book a piece to work on "Song of the Wind" a nice little song full of short bows and bow lifts (circle bows). He's not a big fan of the short sticky bows, so that's what we got to work on all week. She had a great suggestion of putting clothes pins on his bow, to encourage short bows.

He went along with it, grudgingly. And for the time, the bows did get shorter. He still needs to be encouraged and reminded of the need and importance of short bows, and he will occasionally comply. At the end of the week there is a group recital. Where every kid at the institute plays the pieces that they know, on the stage with all of the other kids there. Sounds like fun. Unless you're Neil. He really does not like performing.

So, this year, he didn't. He sat in the audience and watched, preparing for next year. During the week we got to see some wonderful performances of guest artists. There was Jenny Oaks Baker, The Aaron Ashton Band (Neil's favorite), and The Frye Street Quartet. As well as hearing music come from just about every pore of Juan Diego High School. While violins, violas, cellos, and even a bass or two practiced pieces for masters classes in the halls, parking lots, empty rooms, and courtyards. It was an amazing and humbling experience.

Learning Slowly.

Some lessons are harder learned than others. And, last night, I learned a BIG one. Stay connected (in some way) to those people who make a difference in your life. Even if it is just that once a year holiday card. Someday, they won't be there.

I used to board a horse at a barn. I made a lot of friends while I was there. And, sadly, have kept in touch with none of them. Thanks to the Internet wonder of social networks, I have found two of them on facebook. They were just young girls when I knew them. Now they are grown women with lives of their own. I adored their mother, she was one of those people I looked up to, and in small ways she had a huge impact on who I am. I found out last night, through too much time spent staring at the computer, that she passed away almost four years ago. It was quite a shocker. She will forever in my mind be young and healthy. Smiling and kind. A pattern to follow when things get a bit wild. She had a great sense of humor, and a love for her daughters that was unswayed by the phases that children are wired for. She seemed to have an ability for riding things out, knowing that things pass, but love remains. I have no idea what happened to take her from this world, it wasn't through conversations with her daughters that I found out. It was a google search of her name, that lead to an obituary archive from the Salt Lake Tribune. I did learn, through my shock, a little bit about immortality. Because that's what I think memories are. The shock that death cannot be real, because in your mind, you hear their words, see their smile, remember that last conversation.

So, to all of my family and friends. I think of you all often, and I adore you all in the memories that I have.

Enjoying The Moment.

Some of the best accomplishments are not your own. Rather, they are those we are fortunate enough to witness. On May 28, Gary and I got to be there for Neil's Kindergarten graduation. Afterward, there was an open-house in his classroom so the parents could see what the children had been up to all year. Though it was sad to see him aging before my eyes, it was a beautiful day. He was so pleased with himself, and so thoroughly living in the moment. Another great reminder of how children have a better view of things than we, the not so knowing parents!















Another of those amazing days full of watching accomplishments, came yesterday. At a bike race of all places! I was lucky enough to be able to watch the State Road Race Championships in Clarkston. The original reason for dragging myself and Neil out of bed in the pre-dawn hours, was selfish and simple. I love that area.

Gary capitalized completely on that fact and thought it would be a fun day trip for the family. The trip almost didn't happen, as Gary was feeling some serious discouragement in the preceding week. A few too many nights of 3-4 hours of sleep can do that to a person. But, come Wednesday, he was feeling good and decided to register. I'm so glad he did.

It was a beautiful day. Neil was pleasant and feeling adventurous. There were kind people who indulged him in conversation. There were hills for exploring, and dinosaur games for playing. He only asked me once when would it be over. And only said twice that he wanted his dad.

I was able to watch the winning finish of a friend. He so deserved the victory. His enthusiasm at his accomplishment alone was worth the trip. I wish that as an adult. everyone could have that kind of excitement for something at least once, and then be able to pull out that memory when things get tough. He made me happier just by watching him. His joy in the moment was contagious.

Gary proved to me, once again, that even personal accomplishments are victories in their own right. He did not do well in the traditional sense of the word, he came in second to last. He did however relish in the energy he had for the remainder of the day. He did not come crawling across the finish line, he did not need me to drive him home, and he was pleasant and up for conversation and even took Neil to a movie later in the evening. That's something that wasn't always possible. In the past, when he would get home from a race, he was in the prone position drooling in front of the t.v as soon as he was cleaned up. I know that people look at him a little strange when he starts to talk about food restrictions. But, really if what he is doing works for him, GREAT! Lay off and go eat cake!

Later in the evening my mom and her girlfriend took me to a wine-tasting class (I'm sorry, I know they are married, but calling her my mom's wife does not come easily. It's just a personal flaw on my part). I get the feeling this was probably something my mom has wanted to do with me ever since I was the little girl who would beg for tastes from her glass. It was so much fun. Do you know that wine can honestly taste like Asiago cheese? Or smell so good, you would rather smell it than taste it? But, make sure you taste it...you will not be disappointed! Some wine can smell like menthol (but not in a yucky medicine way). Or, did you know that if you drink apple ale really fast, you can truly taste the apples?

Anyway! Yesterday was one of the fun, perfectly balanced kind of days, when it really pays to keep your eyes open and your heart soft. Just letting everything around you soak in. Some days it's good to be a sponge.

I've Got A Trot For That!!

I've been lucky enough to be able to ride my horse 3 out of the last 6 days. Yeah, that's like every other day. It's been good, the only bad thing I can say, is She's a BRAT. Her favorite thing right now seems to be the trot. I will admit, that's usually her favorite, but lately she's taking it to a whole new level. Multi-speeds, and one for every occasion. Yep, She's definitely got a trot for that. Walk... "oh, oh, I've got a trot for that". Trot....."yep, I got a trot for that". Lope, "oh, goody, I've got a trot for that". The only thing she doesn't seem to have a trot for is going in a really small figure eights over walkovers that are two feet high. Now, you can bet if I let the figure eight get a bit bigger, she'd have a trot for that. But, to be completely fair, I enjoy that slow little shuffle of a trot that she saves for special occasions.

Let's see if this riding streak can continue. Maybe I'll see that shuffle more often if I can give her the attention she deserves.

Kids Know how to Put it all in Perspective

This week was a bit of a sad one for my son. He found out on Wednesday that a classmates father had passed away Tuesday evening while mowing his lawn. Now, I'd never met the man, but he did make an impression. You see, Gary had the terrific opportunity of volunteering for a kindergarten field trip to Hogle Zoo a couple of weeks ago. He got to spend the day hanging out with Neil and one of his classmates. At the last minute, this other boy's dad was able to go. He originally didn't know if he would be able to trade anybody for the day off, so he didn't volunteer. He rode up to the zoo with my husband, and the two men were able to spend the day enjoying their sons enjoying the zoo. This was the kind of man who took a video camera on a field trip, and ran with every idea the two boys had of what to film. The boys ended up playing " 'Hooligan' and 'Galute' on the island of Madagascar". And this wonderful man caught it all on film. Why can't more parents be so willing to run with the wild ideas of their children? This man also treated my husband like he was spending the day at the zoo with an old friend, not somebody he just met earlier that morning. Why can't more people show such kindness and warmth to everybody? How much happier would this world be? If we were to just leave our insecurities on our pillows every morning and truly enjoy the day that is before us? Love everybody and try to make a positive mark on those we meet?

I saw the note from the school, telling the parents of the class, on Thursday morning. With the rush of activity in our house on Wednesday, I had neglected to even look in Neil's backpack. I talked to Neil about it that morning, and asked him how he was doing. He said that he missed his friend (classmate), and re-told in brief the adventures of " 'Hooligan' and 'Galute' on the island of Madagascar". I told him to remember to be extra nice to his friend when he returns to school next week, and he said "I already am". Good point, we should be kind enough to people before something world shattering happens, that they know they have a friend in us, when a friend is needed. I asked my son if he needed a hug, and he said "No, I've already handled it". And he has, he looks a bit sad when I ask him if he's doing okay. He remembers a fun day at the zoo with his friend and their dads. And he goes back to being a boy. Isn't that the best way to remember those we've lost? Reflect on the fun we've had and go back to living our lives?
I understand that my son is only 6 and loss at that age is far different from a loss at an older age...but why?

Saying Good Bye to an Old Friend.

Neil got a new violin yesterday. He didn't want to do it, but it was time. Little arms just don't stay little for too long, and he had outgrown last years fiddle. He desperately wanted to keep him, he gets so attached. But, after lots of conversations about how we just can't keep every violin he grows out of. And lots of picture taking. He did it. Once we got to the shop (Charles W. Liu's Fine Violins), it was pretty easy. Mr Liu grabbed a 1/4 size violin, tuned it up, and started to play. At which time, Neil's eyes got HUGE..."oh, I like that one" he said. Mr. Liu told him to give it a try. And he immediately set out to try "Go Tell Aunt Rhody", he got about a line into it, felt the difference in size, and was a bit out of his comfort zone, to keep going in public. Mr. Liu came back and started tuning and playing a second violin, switched back to the first, and we made our decision. It was hands down the first. So, after much to-do, we made the switch. It's so easy to forget that every time he up sizes, it's like switching from violin to viola, for a time being. He'll get used to the feel, after a bit, but right now his arms and fingers are used to adapting to a violin that was a size too small.
This picture looks just creepy to me, but...

Neil wanted a picture of him packed up and
ready to go.


So, to date, we've had Little Neil (we still have that one, it just seemed okay to keep his first wee little fiddle), Rockstar (a.k.a Squawky) and now we have Squawky McBocky ( "It's Squawky, but you can call him Squawky McBocky if you want to, Mom") And I will, but only because Neil said it first. Neil names them all, no help from me, and I love hearing with what he comes up with.

So, here's the newest addition "Squawky McBocky"

Dreams...they're not always what you think they are..

I've been giving a lot of thought lately, to why am I here? You know, what's my purpose? What's that thing that I've always wanted to do, more than anything else?

I had always thought the answer would have something to do with horses. You see, for as long as I can remember I've been completely horse crazy. All I ever wanted when I was a young girl was a horse, then I got a horse and I just wanted to ride, I got a little older and the horse started to become a vehicle. A means of moving toward a dream, where could the horse take me? The obvious answer was horse shows. I did some of those, I won some stuff. Ribbons and a reserve champion jacket (that's like a second place overall kind of thing) It was in trail ( kind of like an obstacle course...my horse was super good at those)...That was Esprit, she was a lease horse for a summer. That summer would become a time I look back at as the best summer of my life. I was 26. In a strange way she introduced me to my husband. Who later would introduce me to our son. Who would make me start really questioning things. And we all know that without questions there can be no answers. I stopped showing horses at the end of that summer, and bought a weanling (baby) for an incredibly high price...what can I say? The guy saw me coming. That horse would be the source of some surprising dates when Gary and I were still getting to know each other. She still recognizes him as the guy who should hold the treat bucket, and that was almost 13 years ago. The plan had been to put her in training and show her when she was older....oh the glory of dreams. Training a horse is expensive stuff, showing one is even more. The horse got training, with a huge error in judgement on my part that led me to a trainer who was pretty much a swindler. Then, with the help of some wonderful friends, Audrey became a pretty sweet pony. She's great on trails (the mountain kind) even pretty fun on the obstacle course kind in the pen where she lives. But, there is no show ring in our lives. She's amazing and trustworthy and I've put Neil on her back more than once...there's something to be said for a horse trustworthy enough for your child.

Found It!! Don't they make the most perfect pair?

I've regretted and mourned the loss of the show days, and at times felt like that was what I was supposed to be doing with my life. I've been angry at the finances and the place in life that won't let it happen. I've done a hundred 'what if's and 'if only's. I've beaten my head on the wall and shed many tears. I've ignored my horse for what has felt like entire summers, just because I didn't know where this dream was leading me anymore. You see there's a huge shift in things when you have to redefine your dreams. And for somebody who has never been good at change, it's left me reeling. So, I've been questioning lately, just what is it that I'm supposed to be doing? The answer is really quite as clear as the nose on my face. I'm a mother and a wife, and that's really what I've wanted all along. The first horse that touched my heart (Stormy) and made me long for a horse of my very own someday. That first horse that was my very own (Moonshine), the horse that gave me hours upon hours of rides and smiles (Toe) and became the vehicle to move toward my dream. The horse that introduced me to that dream and gave me the confidence to chase after it (Esprit) and now the horse that is a part of that dream (Audrey). Horses have very much been central to the dream and at the very core of who I am, but they have not been the answer. I need to remember that. They have given my life meaning and they have given my life grace. They have given me the power to dream and the smiles that come with dreaming, but they have not been the dream. Gary and Neil, that dream is you.
Moonshine (too much horse for a 1st horse..lesson learned).

Toe. What every first horse should be. Showed me the power of dreams, the road home, and saved my sanity during it all.



Esprit..(She held my hand and babysat me so I could have the best summer of my life).



Without Esprit there never would have been THIS.

It's Just Silly Nonsense

I've about decided to end this silly nonsense that is blogging. It started out as a way to keep family up to date. But, to be honest, my mom never checks, dad's dead, and I don't really want the step mom to know what's up. Other than that, I don't really have a lot of time and when I do have the time, I don't have much to say. Oh, I've probably got a lot to say, but as is my way, I won't say it. Nevertheless, it is fun, so I will continue.


"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else." ---Emily Dickinson.

Good for me...

So, I finally got to ride my horse yesterday. YAY!!!! It's about freakin' time, too. I was planning on doing it Wednesday, while I had the entire day off. But, found myself cleaning the kitchen instead. How screwed up is that?! Oh well, had to be done, and it gave me enormous piece of mind to have it taken care of (the clean kitchen, I mean. The horse is a more soulful matter). So, yesterday, I got Neil to daycare and took a bit of time for myself. Funny how I'll tell myself that I can just ride for a few minutes...15 is better than nothing, right? But, when I check the clock when I get back in the car, it's always right at about an hour. Seems like I enjoy myself so much, I lose track of time. At least I tell myself to keep it short, so I'm not there all afternoon. I was thinking about taking a week long trip with Audrey and a friend to Nebraska in September. But, I don't think that's going to happen. Neil starts 1st grade the week before that, and I'd like to keep myself at least geographically available. Maybe next year????

Neil has a violin recital tomorrow. And, my friend Kim, sweetheart that she is, is letting us borrow a camcorder to record the event. Now, who's smarter? Me or a video recorder? Could be scary.

I found a couple more really great poems. e.e. cummings this time. He's not Frost, but he's still REALLY good.

since feeling is first
e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you.
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom.
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
you eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis


Good Stuff. I think, anyway. Gary's not much for poetry. But, isn't that just a great thought?wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

the Power of Words

So, there's this poem that I remember from my childhood. I can't find it anywhere, but I do (fortunately) remember the poet's name. Eugenia Paul. I found it in a book of collected high school works that were published entrants to a creative writing contest. I can't remember what year, sometime early last century (maybe 1925) I am thinking, but not sure. I think she was from New York, but again, not sure. I can't even remember the title, just the words, and I'm pretty sure they are in the right order, with exception of missing punctuation. If anybody knows where I can find a copy, let me know.

Age speaks wisdom Age speaks truth
And the seasoned tongues are keen
But give me the honeyed-lies of youth
And keep my wisdom green

The flame may burn and the burning teach
The moth what candles are
But let me clutch what is out of reach
And die en route to a star.
--eugenia paul.

Here's another favorite from childhood. See if you can guess who wrote it.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

If you guessed Robert Frost, you're on it! If you guessed you heard it or read it in "the Outsiders" you're at the top of the class. Written by Robert Frost in 1923 maybe it helped him win the Pulitzer, but no matter, it was one of his best and most famous. Eight powerful little lines written in Iambic Trimeter, that so sweetly say that no mortal person can maintain their innocence. Do you agree?

It's a funny Facebook world

Wow! How much smaller facebook can make the world. I got an itch to look for an old friend AND I FOUND HER!!!!!! 17 years later! That's us if you can believe it.
Me, Leslynn, and Doogie. October of 1991 at Ft. Jackson, South Carolina. It's a small small world. Thank goodness.














Now I just hope she doesn't mind if I copied the picture.

Tooth Fairy and Dinosaurs...what a natural combination.

So, it's been a while.

We had our first ever visit from the tooth fairy about a week ago. I've been wanting to take a picture of the now vacant spot in Neil's mouth, but that hasn't happened. He was so excited when he showed me the hole in his mouth. Apparently the tooth just fell out when he was sleeping;) I don't think it was quite ready to, but thanks to something about chewing on his pant leg and losing his balance, the tooth became loose and about 3 weeks later fell out. Wow. Not sure if I was ready for that bit of childhood yet. Oh well, can't stop progress. And you don't want to let them know that you're not just completely thrilled that the little one that you brought home from the hospital and couldn't take you eyes off of, because you knew if you did they'd be 20 and you'd be asking yourself where it all went, is growing into that 20 year old WAYYY to quickly for your comfort. Nope, can't do that. It's happening way too fast, but I'm glad it's happening. Life with him is better than the best of days without him. I adore him, and wouldn't change a minute of it. Thank you Neil for letting me have the best seat in the house for watching you become a boy who will become a man.

Neil entered a contest for the Walking with Dinosaurs that we went to. It was a create-a-dino art contest. The contestants drew their own dino then sent it to the newspaper for the judging. Well, I never heard back or saw anything about it on the newspaper web site when I checked. I knew when we weren't contacted that Neil did not win, but I wanted to know what the winning pictures did look like. So, I went searching, and found nothing. I sent an email to the contact person on the entry form. When she emailed me back, she sent pictures of the winning entries (which I would love to be able to show you, but can't) and said that the nice folks at Walking with Dinosaurs were sending Neil a gift pack to thank him for entering the contest. As if he didn't make enough of a haul the night of the show! They sent him another T-shirt and a very special hat that he can wear when we go on our dinosaur adventures. And we know there will be many. We still have most of the stops on the Dinosaur Diamond to visit.

Let the Spoiling Begin.

Sometimes you just need to spoil your child more than they expect. Last night was the time for that. My mom's sweetheart got us tickets for Walking with Dinosaurs the arena spectacular. Unfortunately, my mom called in the afternoon to say that she was sick, did Neil have a friend he wanted to invite. So, Neil and I started thinking of who to invite, all of the parents that we know well enough to take their child out for the night. One of the friends had already been earlier in the week, another is afraid of dinosaurs, and the other wasn't home. So there was one wasted ticket. The family sitting next to us didn't seem to mind, apparently coats deserve their own seats. Anyway, we went out to my mom's to get the tickets, went to dinner at JB's downtown, and then headed over to Energy Solutions Arena. Neil was so excited we had to keep a very tight rein on him, he tried leaving the restaurant on his own, and we were nervous he wasn't going to have patience for the traffic lights to change before crossing the street, but we arrived safely. There were lots of "are we close to Walking with Dinosaurs" "I wish we could go nows" and "Is it time yets". The excitement was well rewarded. We got there before the crowds, and Neil and I decided to check out the souvenirs. He said he wanted a toy, but when I looked at all of the cool stuff, just begging to go home with my son, I couldn't stop there. He ended up with a T-shirt, a toy, a stuffed raptor, and a plastic Tyrannosaurus. Quite the load for a little man. Gary was a good enough sport to hold the majority of the booty in his lap throughout the program. During intermission it was time for cotton candy and soda. My poor hungry son who hardly ate any of his shrimp and fries devoured almost an entire bag of the spun sugary goodness.
The show was very cool. We were guided through each period by an actor playing a paleontologist. Starting out on Pangaea with Liliensternus and Plateosaurs during the Triassic. Then, Jurassic with Bracheosaurs, Stegosaurus, UtahRaptor, and Allosaurus. Ornithocherius. And then Torosuarus, Ankylosuarus, and T-Rex in the Cretaceous period. The ending conflict was between a Torosaur, Ankylosaur, and a mother T-Rex protecting her baby. The T-Rex roared loud enough to make roar loving little boys cover their ears. It was awesome. Neil asked if we could go back, and maybe we could have, if I wouldn't have spent so much on the extras. But, I truly had intended for it to be a once in a lifetime experience.
Thank you Mom and Chyrl.

Change

Gary likes to say "No one can keep doing the same thing over and over again and get a different result even if there was lots of faith and hope put into it." Webster says, among other things, change is to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution. And it's synonyms are: alter, vary, and modify. To make or become different.

I need to put forth the actions for change, not just the thoughts. No more looking at things and wishing they were different and being surprised by how they stay the same, because that's not working. It won't work for anybody. Change is necessary, but do I have the courage?

Dinosaur Day

I am SOOO excited. As a family gift, my mom's girlfriend Chyrl, got us tickets to THIS.
Do I need to say how excited Neil is? It should be a BLAST. So, we're taking my mom to dinner and then the four of us are going to the show. Should be FUN!!!


So, in honor of the events, I think I'm making it Dinosaur Day at our house. I wonder if I can make dino pancakes.......

How We Spent Neil's Christmas Vacation

I like to joke that Neil can take a holiday and give it an extra two weeks (as with Halloween). However, he also does this with his birthday and Christmas. And, since both are in December, that month is one big festival. And, no....I don't do anything to encourage it.






The festivities started on the 6th with a violin performance with his teacher and fellow Suzuki students at Macey's grocery store...hey, I work there. It was GREAT! And my little man was so grown up about it all. He originally didn't want to do it. I think the task of performing where I work was maybe a bit daunting. He knows people there. But, after a lot of preparation at home, some really good lessons, a fairly firm knowledge of "Jingle Bells", and numerous pep talks of how this was going to be just for fun, he was willing. He even said we could take ONE picture of him playing his violin. One turned into a few, and I got the warning looks that I'd better knock it off. Neil only played one song out of several. But he conducted himself so impressively afterward. He put his violin in rest position and stood very respectfully while the performance went on. I was truly impressed.




For his birthday he wanted a Wii, a Bolt cake, and some time to party with the cousins.


Howard liked the idea of the Bolt cake too













After the birthday some Christmas decorating. Tradition says we have to make a gingerbread house, this year we tried something a bit different.





On the 20th we went to a lollipops concert at Abravanel Hall "Here Comes Santa Claus" is the Utah Symphony's Christmas concert for families. They played Christmas music and even had a visit from Santa. Who informed us that there should be no nuts in the cookies on Christmas Eve, and his favorites are chocolate chip. After the concert we went to lunch at JBs where the little shark filled up on sea food then it was off to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building for another group performance. We walked in and Neil's eyes were huge, just taking in the place. He looked down from the mezzanine and said "I'll remember this forever". After a bit of time to take in the atmosphere it was time to play. Miss Melodies violins, some of her mom's, some of her sister's, and even some cellos. It sounded incredible. We took a very fast elevator to the top floor and looked at the city through all of those windows. And, I got the idea that next year this little outing should be planned for just a bit better with lunch at the Garden and maybe even a carriage ride downtown to top it all off. Gary did suggest I start saving if that's what I really want. Good idea.


After downtown we took Neil to his cousins for his first EVER sleep over, away from home. It sounds like there was very little sleeping. We met up with him again at Stacy's family Christmas party, where again the little night owl indulged in another late night. It was worth it to watch him play with Carter. Have I ever mentioned how Neil would make a great big brother?

Christmas Eve we went to see the movie "the Tale of Despereaux" nothing like the book, but still enjoyable. Neil said he liked it better. When I asked him why, he said he liked the part with the cat and that was not in the book. And, I have to admit that part was pretty good. The book was a bit sadder than the movie, too.

Christmas day was another opportunity for me to be amazed at how grown up Neil is. Gary worked and it was explained to Neil that we would not open presents until he was home. So, that morning Neil crawled into bed and asked when Dad would get home. I told him after lunch and we talked for a minute, then I said that Santa doesn't wrap his presents. His eyes were HUGE at the idea. I asked him if he would like to go see what was under the tree, and he was already on his way. After playing with what was there, scattering stocking contents from Hell to Breakfast, watching Jurassic Park and starting on Kung Fu Panda Dad got home. Neil was very patient the entire morning. And that patience would be tested further with a Merry Christmas telephone call from my mom. Once off the phone it was time to pick up where we left off and get the unwrapping finished. Convince Neil to get dressed and then go see "Marley and Me". We left in a wind storm and drove home in a blizzard. Stopped by to wish Diane a Merry Christmas and say hi to my horse. Then home. Merry Christmas call from Dad and Becky. Gary getting Neil ready for bed with Neil's protest "Mom's still downstairs". And the end of a great day. A day to recover and shovel snow and try to reclaim the house while still enjoying time with Neil.

Some sledding for father and son that Saturday while I worked. A New Year's Eve party with friends, another movie to watch ("Bedtime Stories") and I have to say the holiday was pretty well spent. Neil was excited to get to school and violin lessons. Now it's another long weekend. It never felt like there were that many when I was in school.